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We Build Alaska

The Alaska Stalker, April 26, 2023

Welcome to this edition of the Alaska Stalker, a lighthearted round up of the best and worst of Alaska’s social media landscape.

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Today marks the five year anniversary of the Alaska Stalker. Today will also be my final regular column as the Alaska Stalker. 👀

I can’t give enough thanks to my business partner, editor, and staunch supporter of women and working mothers, Jeff Landfield, for giving me the platform and encouragement to grow a silly little idea into a full fledged weekly column. I would also like to thank the readers and tipsters. I have had the pleasure of connecting with folks from all over Alaska. These relationships wouldn’t have been possible without the Stalker. Some of you have even become friends. Like it or not, the Alaska Stalker has claimed a small footnote in Alaska’s political lexicon, and it’s been a privilege and a delight putting each edition together.

Writing a political gossip column requires me to spend a tremendous amount of time online and on my smartphone. My primary job of being a mother to three young children demands me to spend as much of my life as possible off my phone, modeling healthy technology habits and fully engaging with my children, ages 6, 4 and 2. These two jobs are in direct conflict with one another. Time is a thief. My children are growing up at warp speed and I feel the need to fight for every moment while they are still little. This may be our last summer without camps, lessons, practices and performances encroaching on our special time as a family. My farewell is bittersweet, but the choice was easy. For my readers who don’t yet have children, there is nothing I could recommend more. Don’t wait!  Consider having as many as you can. Fair warning: It’s even more addictive than politics.

I’m going to miss cracking jokes about Peter Micicche’s chainsaw, fangirling over Alyse Galvin’s yellow blazer, referring to Forrest Dunbar as “California born” at every opportunity and laughing until I cried over Deep Tweets with DeLena. Let’s remember the good times and take a look back at some of my favorite bits over the past five years. So long, and thanks for the tips!

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Five years later and it’s still true: Chris Birch has the best campaign signs of all time. RIP. 🙏

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I’ve featured a lot of door-to-door content over the years. This gem from former Rep. and Dirt Doctor Liz Snyder remains the greatest door knock of all time.

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The honor of the best spotted in of all time goes to the late Congressman Don Young.

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There have been many campaign mailers that have stood out over the years, but none have stuck with me as much as this one from former Sen. Peter Micciche, prominently featuring his giant chainsaw — almost like she’s part of the family.

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This mailer from Sen. Cathy Giessel (this is the election she lost!) should have won awards.

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And this one from Rep. Cliff Groh (also during the election he lost) is amazing.

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Anchorage Assembly member Chris Constant’s recent mailer deserves a mention, but mostly because he won’t stop talking about it!

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I’ll never forget the time Rep. Zack Fields sent out an event invite and forgot to remove the template on the back.

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Best event invite goes to Sen. Bill Wielechowski and Ted Eischeid. Excellent!

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While there have been countless #bigwildlife campaign photos over the years, this Walker/Drygas endorsement remains the most amoosing.

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I enjoy the wacky names legislators come up with for their newsletters. I still think Rep. Andi Story should snag “The Story with Story.” But my favorite newsletter belongs to Sen. Jesse Kiehl, who actually rebranded a week after the Stalker made fun of Canal Connections. The Real Deal with Kiehl is perfection.

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Ahhh, the sponsored post that started it all. I was happy to take candidate Forrest Dunbar to task over his #lifelongAK hashtag in his online campaign ad. While the story behind it is heartwarming, Forrest was born in Oakland, California and he cannot claim born and raised/lifelong AK status.

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But that pales in comparison to the time Forrest explicitly told everyone that he DOESN’T go to The Bush Company. I still think he doth protest too much.

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Another favorite campaign blunder was now-Rep. Jennie Armstrong claiming that she would be the first LGBTQ+ member of the Alaska Legislature. In her hurry to make history, she forgot to learn our state’s history. I can think of a couple names off the top of my head…

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Jennie quickly realized her mistake and changed the wording to “openly” LGBTQ+. And then hosted a fundraiser with fellow openly LBBTQ+ then-candidate Rep. Andrew Gray. Only she forgot another LGBTQ+ candidate: Lyn Franks. And then ANOTHER: now-Rep. Ashley Carrick. I couldn’t have made this up if I tried. 🤣

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Other fun memories: the time former Rep. Harriet Drummond recommended shooting a cat on Nextdoor and lost a vote!

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Former Rep. Grier Hopkins posting a photo of him and his wife in a bathtub while on their honeymoon!

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Former Attorney General Kevin Clarkson accidently including a link to the Recall Dunleavy website in his Easter blessing. 🤦

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Les Gara accidently tweeting F*ck.

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When someone wrote “F*ck Dunleavy” in the snow behind the Atwood Building, and then Chief-of-Staff Ben Stevens single footedly stomped it out.

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It’s no secret I love babies. Not sure I would ever welcome one to the world wearing a PORN KILLS t-shirt.

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I’ve seen a lot of great Halloween costumes from our favorite politicos over the years. Rep. Sara Hannan as Smokey Bear is top tier.


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Everyone loved Rep. Genevieve Mina as “The Town of Whittier.” Where does she come up with this stuff?

Still, I think Alyse’s staff dressing up as Alyse Galvin — complete with the famous yellow blazer — reigns supreme.

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Dressing as Alyse for Halloween is popular. Who could forget that the Alaska Stalker, pregnant with her son, also dressed up as Alyse in 2018 (with her eldest daughter as Congressman Don Young), just days after #handshakegate. See, I do exist! And, I’m not Jeff Landfield. 💛

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I would be remiss if I didn’t include the video that cemented my fangirl affair with Alyse: her going live to show us all the hundreds of whales that you can’t see.

 

 

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If I’m being honest, I’ve been an Alyse superfan since the 90s.

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Do you remember the time former Rep. Ron Gillham dressed as if Alyse and Don Young had a baby?!

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I almost forgot what a content machine Ron was!

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I know we’re all grateful for the many lessons we have learned from politicians over the years. Thank you former Sen. Micciche for the warning if I ever decide to google furry pussy willows. 🙈

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I’m certainly going to miss Deep Tweets by Rep. DeLena Johnson.

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In one of my first Stalker columns ever I compared then-Sen. Kevin Meyer to Deep Space 9’s Odo. I stand by this comparison!

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I know not every joke landed, but come on – I’m pretty proud of Geran’s silent toot.

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I miss Geran. Talk about ahead of her time. I know a couple legislators (okay, maybe really just one) who might benefit from reading former Rep. Geran Tarr’s perspective.

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Also ahead of his time. OMG How did he know?!

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So bad it’s good: Dave Bronson’s Fun Fact Friday.

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Sometimes, the Stalker was clairvoyant.

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Honestly, Lora’s social media was next level to cover.

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On other occasions the column caused quite a stir. Like when my headline about Paul Hueper being out as gubernatorial candidate Christopher Kurka’s running mate went viral before people realized it was just a joke about his broken leg.

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When reflecting on Felix Rivera’s best Stalker cameos, it was a tie. I couldn’t decide between the time the Spicy Gato himself was on the news for taking a blissfully unaware dip in swimmers itch infested Jewel Lake on a random Friday morning, while most people were at work, or the time he went on a documented multi-drink four-hour bender all over Anchorage showcasing the minimal monetary impact of the proposed alcohol tax. 

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Not everyone liked appearing in the Stalker. This joke about former candidate Jennifer Sonne deciding to sport a Carhartt jacket during her political debut drove Jennifer to tear out all the carpet in her house, tweet at me to go F myself, and that I was a traitor against women. My goodness!

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Others embraced the humor. Like the time I compared now-Rep. Justin Ruffridge to Edward Cullen from Twilight and his wife posted a comparison photo of the two she took years ago.

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Thank you to all the readers. I hope to see you again sooner than later. Until then, I’m signing off with a little help from Tito Dunleavy and the most memorable campaign text of all time.

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Okay, fine. For balance, this one was pretty good too.

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A special Stalker shout out to some of my other favorite subjects, who didn’t appear in this edition: Cronk, Rasmussen, Senator Elvi, Kaufman, Kawasaki, Myers, AQD, Anna Brawley’s mantle, Jake the Intern and many, many more. Until next time! XOXO, Stalker Girl. 👀
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The Alaska Stalker was born and raised in Alaska. She lives in South Anchorage with her husband and three young children. She is presently retired.

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Rat Pack
9 months ago

Silly little idea indeed, stolen from the Alaska Ear. Not sad to see it go. Now if the Florida Lady would just do the same

Grateful Alaskan
9 months ago

Thank you for your contributions to the AK political scene!

Thanks for the laughs
9 months ago

Wow, it’s the end of an era. Thank you so much for the fun, snark, and laughs! You will be missed.

Jason Butler
9 months ago

Red State resident, Blue State values/ Thanks, Alison, for five good years of written mirth. I’m not usually a fan of much conservative media but you write well, are fair about calling out both sides equally, and especially for sticking to your values as an Alaskan, a mother and protector of your kids. Best wishes for managing and raising three future Alaskans! Have a lot more fun and time with your family.

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9 months ago

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C Whitman
8 months ago

As an Alaska parent who swore off social media for family time and modeling healthy behaviors, I completely understand, but I will miss my weekly fix! Thank you for all the hours and laughs and humanity.

robbers alice
8 months ago

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