Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
Dear Cat,
I recently cut off a former lover from my life because I was tired of being blown off by them and their inability to apologize for their actions. While it took me a while to come to terms with how I was worth more than this mistreatment, I am still unsure whether to confront this person about how they were treating me. After a glib reply to their text about how they were “bummed” about not being able to see me before I left town, I have stopped responding. I don’t know if it is worth my time to reach out and tell them how I feel. In one respect I feel as though it might give me some peace of mind. On the other hand, it seems like a lot to drag up these feelings for a relationship that is already over.
Dear Human,
It sounds like you have mulled over the options in this scenario. Cat suggests that the only one that can provide you peace of mind is you. Based on the history of this human’s behavior, they are not emotionally capable or available to provide you with a satisfactory response, should you give them one last run down of your feelings. If you choose to reach out to this person, Cat strongly recommends you do so with the expectation of zero reply, or a reply that is in no way validating. If you are simply asking what Cat would do, I would not reach out. Cat thinks you are better off focusing on what you want in future relationships and examining why you engaged in this relationship in the first place. Mulling over the lessons you have learned and how it can paws-itively impact how you engage in future relationships may be your best bet.
Dear Cat,
My former closest friend/cousin is an alcoholic. As teenagers/20-somethings her drinking progressed from heavy partying on the weekends to the point where she would binge/disappear and then actually require medical help to stop drinking. Every time she is sober she is the fun, thoughtful version of herself and then seemingly out of nowhere she will binge again and the process will start all over. Honestly, I am feeling like I am out of empathy. More than a few times I have been the person that has come to her rescue, taking her to the doctor, or begging her to get some sort of treatment. I love this person but I don’t know how to keep her in my life without it becoming bad for me. I have enough of my own problems to manage, but I don’t want to be heartless.
Dear Human,
Managing a relationship with someone suffering from alcoholism can be a fur-midable undertaking. Cat applauds that you are kind and smart enough to care about your friend/family member and wise enough to know that you have to purr-tect your own peace. If you are the type of human that enjoys socializing and connecting, Al-Anon has support groups for managing these relationships. If you would rather seek help on your own, one-on-one counseling to help establish your boundaries in life will serve you well beyond this one particular relationship. If this relationship is not absolutely essential in your everyday, Cat suggests you gracefully distance yourself. If you feel comfortable, you can express that to your friend directly or in writing. Cat would like to remind you that this is not a human you are responsible for. You can be kind and hope for good things for them and allow yourself to not engage in their behavior. Because Cat knows this is easier said than done, I do encourage you strongly to seek support outside of your direct family and friends to adjust your perspective.
Dear Cat,
I’m ready to adopt a pet, should I get a dog or a cat? Or something else?
Dear Human,
Cat is glad you asked. Deciding what kind of furry friend to welcome in to your family is not a choice to be made on a whim. Obviously, Cat has biases – but let’s be practical. The first thing to consider is your time. While cats and dogs require similar amounts of attention, dogs certainly require more time. Cat thinks that in general, dogs display a lot more neediness. So, does human have a job that requires them to be gone for long hours? A dog may not be a good addition to your home. On the other hand, don’t be fooled in to thinking one can leave a cat for hours/days on end. Any animal that you bring in to your home needs to feel cared for and secure to avoid developing neurotic behaviors (just like our human counterparts.) All animals will require your love, attention, care, and money. Cat thinks that, if you are truly undecided, you should visit a local animal shelter and see if you find a pet that you really bond with. Cat wishes you good luck in providing a fur-ever home to your new critter, whatever it may end up being.
Cat Facts
Each week Cat gets a few very google-able questions from well-meaning humans that would honestly just rather Ask a Cat. So, based on this week’s inquiries, here are your Cat Facts of the week:
🐾 Former Senator Ted Stevens is buried at Arlington National Cemetery
🐾 When faced with the decision of tuna vs. chicken, choose both
🐾 The airspeed velocity of an unladen European Swallow is 24mph