Ask a Cat: Confusing pets, school, and complicated relationships

Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Preemptive Cat Chat:

Cat wishes to start this week’s column with a disclaimer: Cat is in a mood. A moody-mood. In the supposed words of Albert Einstein, Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Cat did their best this week to muster up patience and kindness, but some of this week’s submissions…. you’ve cat to be kitten me. Pardon the cattitude, let’s keep a pawsitive attitude and see what the next week holds. 🐾

 

Dear Cat,

We’ve had a cat for seven years. Until recently, we assumed it was a girl because that’s what the sellers told us. However, after a recent trip to the vet because we thought it was pregnant, we were told our cat is a in fact a boy. This has caused confusion and controversy among our family and friends. My boyfriend now calls it a version of the old name that’s a boy name. My daughter and I want to kept the old female name but my boyfriend insists a boy cat should have a boy name. This might sound silly but I’m worried about having children with him. What should I do?

Dear Human,

Cat finds your query confusing, and in turn, has a question for you: Is this really the first time you have taken your furry companion of seven years to the vet? If not, you might want to find a new vet. Seven years is a long time to provide such lazy care. Cat suspects that, in fact, you are a bit of a lazy pet parent. Cat thinks neither you nor your partner should be thinking about procreating right now. Focus on minding the cat and daughter you already have. The cat’s name should not be the question. I suspect the cat has no interest in your human gender norms and would just appreciate more consistent healthcare. Your boyfriend seems a bit caught up on “boy” vs “girl” names. Frankly, he doesn’t sound very forward-thinking or bright. If you’re asking Cat, then no, Cat does not think it is terribly necessary for this boyfriend of yours to go forth and be fruitful. Silly issues can reveal serious character concerns.

 

Dear Cat,

Should I go to school?

Dear Human,

What an odd question. Clearly Cat needs more information. But let’s discuss some common scenarios and Cat will do their best to give corresponding advice. Should you go to school in the first place? Yes. Cat thinks that minimally all the humans could use a basic education. Should you go to college? Well, that depends. Cat thinks for the most part, humans are undercooked mentally and emotionally fresh out of high school, and some form of college or trade school is certainly a benefit to personal and social/academic growth.

Let’s assume the question is really “Should I go back to school?”

Cat can dig a little deeper into the litter box that is this question. Cat thinks there are many things that could motivate such a question-which is really the deciding factor in the advice Cat would give. If there is a topic you are very passionate about and you can manage the financial burden, then by all means, pursue this new interest. If you have the opportunity to significantly increase your income and returning to school won’t upend your life and cause turmoil for your family, that may also be reasonable. Cat believes that sometimes humans go back to school as a means of avoidance. Cat even knows a few humans that collect degrees like tins of tuna. If you’re seeking the approval of other humans, that’s really no reason to start an academic program and Cat suggests you invest in therapy instead.  

 

Dear Cat,

I met a guy on Tinder and we’ve gone on a few dates. I showed my coworker his picture and she says she knows he’s married and that she went to high school with his wife. I asked him and he said they’re separated but also got kind of mad and said my coworker is a bitch. My coworker just says he’s a cheater. I guess I should stop seeing him but it’s hard to find guys to date in Anchorage. What should I do?

Dear Human,

Fun (cat) fact: Cats can roll their eyes.

The simple answer is that this is probably not the guy for you. Unless you are consciously and fully committed to ignoring red flags, you are better off moving on. Cat is very aware that there seems to be much difficulty with finding worthy dates in Southcentral Alaska. As to your coworkers motivation, you’ve given no indication that she has a reason to lie to you. Without knowing more about your relationship with her, Cat will have to assume that her claims are worth giving consideration to. The fact that your date responded by calling her a name doesn’t bode well for his general respect towards women. Granted, he may very well be separated from his spouse, but why did he not reveal that to you himself? A few dates seems like ample time. Purrhaps it is better to be single than to be digging up dates from the litter box.

Subscribe
Notify of

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments