Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Dear Cat,

Do aliens exist? Are we the only living beings in the Universe? Seems unlikely to me but the mainstream narrative has been centered around an idea that extraterrestrials (or “off-worlders”) do not exist. I have heard that cats have extra sensory perception – do you see aliens? Are the Men in Black a real thing? Urgently awaiting your response given all the UFO sightings lately.

Dear Human,

Cat encourages you to take paws and consider how very vast the universe is. Cat thinks that humans try mightily to grasp at purpose and understanding but in general, fall short. Cat feels that frankly, it is self-important, arrogant, and highly illogical to assume there are not creatures existing beyond this rocky terrestrial sphere in space. To speak to your reference of mainstream narrative, Cat supposes that purrhaps humans should accept that they tend to surround themselves with echo chambers that confirm what they want to hear. There is certainly “proof” for whatever theory one believes if you look hard enough. Humans apply their own brand of “logic” in a way that gives them a sense of understanding and control, because ultimately Cat thinks they understand very little and control even less.

Unfortunately, Cat is not at liberty to disclose or discuss their own extra sensory perceptions or encounters of the other-worldly kind, but leaves you with the words of another very wise feline: “I think the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”

Dear Cat,

Sometimes I get scared for no reason. What can I do to not be scared?

Dear Human,

Yours is a question that has many answers. Cat wonders if this generalized fear is new, or if it is a life long struggle. The clear answer is to seek the help of a purr-fessional. Sometimes when we ask friends or family members for advice, our history and experiences with them clouds our ability to heed their suggestions – even if they are sound. A counselor can give you direction based on their expertise without the bias of being part of your personal life.

While Cat is not a (licensed) counselor, I can offer you some general ideas. Cat believes that often fear is protecting us from something. Can you pick one fear and ask yourself honestly how it protects you? Is that logical (e.g. not walking after dark alone in Downtown Anchorage) or is it illogical (e.g. fearing going to the grocery store to buy kibble.) Naming a fear as logical or illogical doesn’t necessarily make it go away. But examining and appreciating that it is our minds way of trying to protect us is a nice way to practice self-kindness and empathy. Cat wishes you well and hopes you find fur-eedom in letting go of fear that does not serve you.

Dear Cat,

I fucked up. I dated/had a “situationship” with an amazing woman for several months. I stopped just short of calling it a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I kept her at arms-length because I didn’t feel like I could give her everything she wanted. Well, it turns out I was getting everything I wanted. The sex was phenomenal, she was super emotionally supportive to me and about all the stuff I’ve gone through, and she was really reliable. So now I’ve pushed her away to the point where I don’t think there’s any going back. Cat, is there any way I can fix this?

Dear Human,

No.

There is no wise way you can “fix” or return to a relationship with this woman right now. The most dignified and kind thing you can do is leave her alone. Cat believes there is something particularly narcissistic about those who continue to try to emotionally draw in those they have already admittedly hurt. It seems clear from the details you divulged that you got everything you wanted from this woman and did not give her the respect of even calling her your girlfriend. As you seem to already know about yourself, you have a lot of work to do. Cat understands and will try to sympathize that it is hard to really care about someone but not be able to provide for their emotional needs. Cat does not necessarily not believe that you cared for this woman. Cat does believe you handled it in an immature and hurtful way. As none of you humans have access to a time machine, Cat advises you to go forward accepting full well the hurt you have caused. Focus on how to improve yourself so as to not hurt others in the same manner in the future. You may not have done so intentionally this time, but going forward, there is no such excuse.

Famous Feline Sapience:

Sometimes Cat defers to the general wisdom of other cats. May these gems sustain you through the week. 🐾

I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life

– Hobbes

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.

– Garfield

As long as you drop everything and stay focused on me, I should be fine

– Salem Saberhagen