Dear Governor Michael J. Dunleavy,
I know you are busy handling the affairs of State government. I just wanted to take a moment of your time to tell you why I think I should be appointed to a board or commission or hired in your administration. We go back quite a ways so I’m a bit surprised I have been overlooked.
I’m definitely one of your guys. Like many of your appointees, I have run for office as a Republican and lost. In fact, I am a two time losing Republican. So I have that going for me. I also have a history of getting real loose on social media. I should really be a shoe in.
As a bonus, I’ve never made racist posts on social media, nor have I ever engaged in homophobic political attacks or lied on a resume, so that won’t be an issue. I can see the speedo issue potentially coming up again, but I have an answer for that. You can be the guy who redeemed Jeff Landfield. That will earn you a lot of street cred.
While I am not religious and do not speak in tongues, I do speak Russian. I can see this being a major advantage if President Trump decides to come to Alaska or if the Russians decide to try and take back Alaska.
I think you can definitely use some help. I am willing to put my talents to work to benefit the State and your administration. If you need me to amp up my social media game or get more aggressive to earn your approval, let me know. I’m willing to do what is required. Looking forward to hearing back from you.