Welcome to this week’s edition of The Alaska Stalker, a lighthearted round up of the best and worst of Alaska’s social media landscape. Have you sent us a hot tip yet? Email us at akstalker@alaskalandmine.com and, as always, thanks for reading.

For someone with strong political views, I try my best to play it fair. With a couple exceptions. While I don’t count my sick burns every week, I often find more Republicans in my cross-hairs (ACK! Are you still allowed to say that?) than Democrats. This makes sense as there are more Republican politicians in Alaska than Democrats. For now. That being said, that is not the case this week. Democrats be warned: this week is all you. If you want to change that, send me more tips.

After doing some exhaustive Facebook stalking re: the plastic bag ban, Facebook stalked back and rewarded me with this targeted ad.

Speaking of bans, I think I have the perfect idea for Assemblymember Constant’s next “banned in Anchorage” item: balloons! The party’s over. Tsk, tsk, tsk Elvi.  We are very #triggered. ?❌❌❌

Even celebrities are calling on Senator Lisa Murkowski to vote no on Kavanaugh.

I’m sure Senator Murkowski is paying close attention to this most important issue. Later that day…

You guys. Who’s going to tell them? We’ll let Dave Stieren take this one. We aren’t that cruel.

Dave, you forgot to add, “and Donald J. Trump is your President.”

Anchorage Assemblymember Amy Demboski is also weighing in on the SCOTUS debate. Troll level ?

Wait a minute, is Amy auditioning to fill in for the Stalker while we’re on maternity leave next year? She’s really got our format down. Amy, call us!

We are living for this amazing photograph from the Juneau Chamber of Commerce Gubernatorial debate via AP. It looks like teeny tiny versions of Senator Mark Begich and Governor Bill Walker are sitting at the kids table fighting over scraps votes. Meanwhile Senator Dunleavy looks as giant as those big budgets he voted for back in 2013 and 2014.

Can someone please show this tweet to POTUS? Honestly, we love all of these answers. They are right on script for all three gubernatorial candidates. That -4 tho. Best line of the night!

First it was Anchorage Assemblymember Forrest Dunbar and now it’s Anchorage Assemblymember Eric Croft. Yikes! Looks like the Assembly might need to take a field visit to a couple of Anchorage’s finer establishments for some sensitivity training.

On second thought, has Eric been hacked?! This #fakenews/fishing for comments scam he posted is as old as a Nigerian Prince. Also, You’re left of center Eric. Facebook isn’t censoring you. We promise.

You may have heard the news this week that Gubernatorial candidate, Senator Mark Begich, came out in favor of Stand for Salmon, Yes on 1 ballot measure.

Meanwhile, a top official in the Walker administration, Commissioner of the Alaska Department of Administration Leslie Ridle, has weighed in on another very important seafood issue. No word yet if this is the Governor’s official opinion.

Less John-Henry Heckendorn emails, more Lindsay Walker Hobson emails, please. We like them Mallott. <3

This is a goof, but Governor Walker might want to look into this targeted online campaign strategy.

After losing the Republican primary election in District 22, former Representative Liz Vazquez has found a higher calling as a moose mama. According to the comments, Cory from Fish & Game was scheduled to come assess the injury. Fingers crossed for the little one.

Looks like the Alaska Democrats finally got the memo that candidate for Congress, Alyse Galvin, won the Democratic primary. About time.

Speaking of Alyse, here she is in a recently posted Facebook Live. She stopped on the side of the Seward Highway on her way back from Hope to see, and I quote, “more whales than we can count.” We watched the video. Twice. There are zero whales. ???

Can someone give Fish and Game a call (Liz, we’re looking at you) and give them a heads up that if Alyse submits a Belugas count to please, disregard it.

And, earlier this week, Alyse updated her Facebook profile picture. It wasn’t her favorite yellow blazer that caught our eye as much as that qiviut scarf. Daaang Alyse, we’ve seen the prices in Oomingmak. I wonder who in the Galvin family is making it rain?

Juxtapose that with Congressman Don Young’s trademark Alaska flag bolo tie. We’d be willing to guess he got it at a yard sale 30 years ago for a buck fifty. Also, are those cigars peeking out of his breast pocket? #LEGEND

UPDATE: Well, our guess was wrong. But we weren’t THAT far off. LOL. Thanks for the tip Art!

You may think we’re picking on Alyse this week. But, with the Anchorage Chamber of Commerce Congressional Debate coming up next Monday, we’re just leveling the playing field for the inevitable “Don Young moment” that we’ve all come to expect.

Spotted on the Anchorage hillside. We have…questions…

I guess the ACLU is staying out of this one.

Friendly reminder: a new season of Teen Mom OG, starring Bristol Palin, starts on Monday, Oct 1. And yes, Governor Palin was spotted in the trailer. Note to husband: we need to uncut the cord ASAP.

West Anchorage Public Service Announcement: We don’t know who these people are, but we used to live down the road from them. They’ve lost at least one of their tortoises, Boris or Natasha, every summer for the past 3+ years. So, if you live in Sand Lake, we’re not going to tell you who to vote for. But, if you find a lost tortoise, please do these creatures a solid and DO NOT return it to these people. #saveBoris #saveNatasha

Here’s our social media post on Boris the tortoise from 2015. We can’t make this stuff up folks.

Overheard in Anchorage:
“I really want to listen to Eddie Burke’s new show but I’m too embarrassed to have my name show up on the Facebook Live list of who’s watching.”

“I’m pretty good friends with Laddie and I didn’t know he was even running until I saw his name in the news saying he won!”

Scene: A group of politicos discussing the merits of an Alaska Legislature calendar.

High level politician: “In order for it to be successful it would have to be Neal Foster, Neal Foster, and more Neal Foster.”

Overheard at the Anchorage Chamber Gubernatorial Debate: Tina Pidgeon chatting with Jeff Landfield. Mark Begich came up to them and said, jokingly, “You don’t want to be seen in public with Landfield!” Tina agreed and added, “Yeah, I might end up in your blog.” Ya think? Hi Tina! Thanks for reading.

Speaking of the Anchorage Chamber Gubernatorial Debate, here are my actual notes from the event. As you can see, it was pretty uneventful.

Overheard at Snow City: Lady talking to her kids or grand kids about how she met President Obama, well sadly former President Obama, at Snow City just a couple years ago.

Spotted in Anchorage on Minnesota: An SUV with a Grier Hopkins bumper sticker.

Spotted at 40th anniversary of Anchorage and Whitby, England as Sister Cities: Anchorage Mayor Ethan Berkowitz, Anchorage Assemblymembers Eric Croft and Forrest Dunbar, and many Anchorage Sister City Commissioners.

That will do it for us this week folks. Don’t forget to send your favorite social media and online goofs, gaffs, memes, dust-ups, “Overheard in Alaska,” “Spotted in Alaska,” or whatever else you got to akstalker@alaskalandmine.com Our DMs are always open. Remember: pics or it didn’t happen!

The Alaska Stalker was born and raised in Alaska, and lives in South Anchorage with her husband, daughter, and baby on the way. She is not Jeff Landfield.