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The Alaska Stalker – March 8, 2021

Welcome to this edition of the Alaska Stalker, a lighthearted round up of the best and worst of Alaska’s social media landscape.

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If you enjoy the Alaska Stalker, please consider supporting working moms like me by sending in hot tips, overheards, and spotted ins. You can reach me at [email protected] As always, thanks for reading.

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Sorry things are a bit late. I had some great stuff lined up for the column this week, but then I read Rep. Zack Fields’ most recent apology and had to reevaluate everything. It’s never appropriate to comment on what people look like or wear?! Well, crap. There goes my commentary on Sen. Donny Olson’s matching sealskin bowtie and mask, Sen. Mia Costello’s pruney fingers, Sen. Josh Revak’s revolutionary throwback, Sen. Peter Micicche’s bizarre “I’m just as tall as the Governor” posts, and even a discussion on Rep. Kelly Merrick’s two faces. Basically, the whole column. After an extensive review with Landmine legal council the column was finally cleared for print. Like everyone else, I even reached out to Rep. Fields’ female staff to make myself feel better sure nothing made Zack uncomfortable. Here we go…

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While Rep. Sara Rasmussen has said her final piece on the matter, nothing is stopping her from continuing to post inspirational quotes up the wazzo. I am LIVING for the Stalker shout out in the comments. 💁

 

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Here. I fixed it for you, Sara. 😉

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While he will never surpass the queen of inspirational quotes, (to be clear, I am talking about Rep. Kevin McCabe here) I am pleased to report Sen. Josh Revak is now on the inspirational quote train. Kind of. 🧐🤣

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On March 3rd, Sen. President Peter Micciche sent out an email clarifying the Senate’s COVID mitigation policies, specifically naming the Triangle as a place that’s “probably not safe.” Not sure I want to take health advice from a guy who doesn’t know which way to wear his underwear, but okay. You do you, Peter! 🩲

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Who stole the cookies from the legislators?

Jesse stole the cookies from the legislators!

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A friendly Stalker “get well soon!” to Rep. Mike Cronk, who tested positive for COVID on February 24th. He must be doing okay because on February 26th he was posting about how great he was in high school.

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It’s okay! Cronk isn’t the only one bored in quarantine. After almost a year, Gov. Mike Dunleavy finally updated his Facebook profile pic. 💅 Normally I would comment on his Bannon-esque two collared shirts look, but Zack has clearly mansplained that is NEVER APPROPRIATE.

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Egg-scuse me. Is Rep. James Kaufmann shedding his “Ribeye Republican” moniker? *Squints* Oh, never mind, he made sure to write his chicken was “right-honorable.” I think District 28 is safe for now. Still, making “hot chick” jokes on his official Rep. page? Clearly James doesn’t give a cluck!

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 10/10 tweet Rep. Hannan. 😻

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In honor of Ben Stevens stepping down as Gov. Dunleay’s chief of staff, politico Jim Lottsfeldt went full “Valley Trash” on his Facebook page.

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I was incredibly offended to see candidate for Anchorage mayoral candidate Dave Bronson described as a “rock-solid” conservative.

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Must Read Florida

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Sorry Dave, there can only be one true rock-solid conservative in this state. Thank you for your service, George.

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Dave’s campaign might be running out of steam. That or it’s nearing implosion status. First, campaign manager Bernadette Wilson attacked *checks notes* Rep. Sara Rassmusen over sweatpantgate. And then, they post this for “Fun Fact Friday.” Quote: “The day Dave announced his candidacy it was pouring rain.” 😳 I am not making this up!

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Not to rain on Dave’s parade, but here’s an actual “fun fact.” I can’t believe Bill’s younger than Forrest!

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Forrest Dunbar has the money, the endorsements, and now he has the best sign photo. I mean, look at it. It’s not even close.

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How much you wanna bet Bill Falsey had this one in the drafts folder for weeks, just waiting for a 5.0 and up to hit so he could post it.

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Speaking of mayors, pretty sure we’d still have our old one right about now if Molly really could keep a secret.

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Stalker pro tip: You may want to think twice before grabbing your boss these days…

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Sent via Stalker mail:

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Also sent via Stalker mail:

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Awwwww. I am bear-side myself that Rep. Calvin Schrage took my totally paw-some sign suggestion.

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OMG. CACHET IS A STALKER FAN! <3

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Overheard: “I wonder how many times Cronk is going to marathon the inspiring and humorous Madea movies while in quarantine?”

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Overheard in Anchorage: “I just spent a hot Saturday night going through APOC reports for the Anchorage mayor’s race. And the only person, the ONLY person in ALL OF ANCHORAGE who could not be bothered to capitalize their own first and last name is Suzanne Downing.”

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Anonymous staffer asked in an interview: “I just need to know you haven’t been at the Triangle with Jeff Landfield.”

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Overheard on the airwaves: Dan Fagan (Louisiana) and Donna Arduin (Michigan) talking about how Gov. Dunleavy needs to veto more state spending.

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Overhead in Juneau: Lt. Kevin Meyer to Sen. Lyman Hoffman: “I saw your hummer made the Stalker!” OMG, HI KEVIN!

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The Alaska Stalker was born and raised in Alaska. She lives bear free in South Anchorage with her husband, daughter, son, newborn, and Covid-19 antibodies. She is not Jeff Landfield.

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