The Alaska Stalker – January 7, 2023

Welcome to this edition of the Alaska Stalker, a lighthearted round up of the best and worst of Alaska’s social media landscape.

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If you enjoy the Alaska Stalker, please consider supporting working moms like me by sending in hot tips, overheards, and spotted ins. You can reach me at akstalker@alaskalandmine.com. As always, thanks for reading.

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Happy New Year! While the holiday is celebrated worldwide, Alaskans do it a bit differently. You may receive Happy New Year wishes, but you’ll definitely get reminded to apply for your PFD.

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And reminded to update your fishing license.

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And someone you know will tell this joke. 🔫🤦

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But, no matter where you live, you’ll make this mistake at least once. Happy 2022… I mean 2023. I have a feeling things might get pretty loose this year.

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Admit it. You’re gonna miss her. Just a little. 🥀

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I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing like waking up to the sound of Amy Demboski’s voice in the morning. 🙃📻 She’s baaaaaack.

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Rep. Mary Peltola has been having a field day tweeting about the vote for speaker. I get it, cutesie memes are her thing. While I’m slowly getting used to it — it still makes me VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. 🥴

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On the bright side, we apparently have the green light to comment on Mary’s fashion. ✅

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After a post-election hiatus, I noticed Kelly Tshibaka’s social media starting to churn out new content. Hold on to your saber swords, is Kelly running again??? Sure seems like it.

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Legislators are staring to pack for session in Juneau. Rep.-elect Alyse Galvin asked, “Is it possible to have too many scarves?” As long as you have a yellow blazer to go with it, the limit does not exist.

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Dear 2023, I’m not asking for a lot. But Rep.-elect Jamie Allard being sworn in to the 33rd Alaska Legislature while sporting a mohawk is at the top of my list.

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Freshman legislators are getting to know one another and friendships are being formed. I am so here for this. May I present new BFFs-elect Cliff Groh and Rebecca Himshoot.

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OH BABY! at first I thought Rep. Johnson had a big surprise announcement! DeLena – it might not be too late! After all, Hilary Swank’s about to have twins at age 48! 🤰🍼🍼😱

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Thank you, Sen. Scott Kawasaki. Because you retweeted this photo of a head of Romanesco, Alaska’s kids will suddenly become proficient at math while simultaneously falling in love with the taste of broccoli.

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In case you missed it, check out our special edition Rep.-elect Jennie Armstrong Tarot Card Deck. My favorite is the Romancer. 🚀

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With Jennie’s reliance on tarot cards to make big decisions and Sen.-elect Löki Tobin’s belief that the movement and positions of celestial bodies directly influence our material world and personality traits, I have high hopes a Coven Caucus could form this year. 🧙‍♀️✨🔮🃏 I am so grateful to have both of these rational and very serious women as our lawmakers. 🙏

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Meanwhile in Anchorage, while I appreciate the attempted spin, the roads and former sidewalks are still terrible from last month’s snowstorms. This might be too soon. #outoftouch

 

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Check those dates. Dear Mayor Bronson, the Landfill is SATIRE, not advice.😳 You can’t make this up.

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I have to give this round to former Anchorage Assembly member and now Sen.-elect Forrest Dunbar. While I didn’t see any yellow snow memes, I did see Mayor Bronson literally marking the bad snow areas on his map in yellow. OMG.

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There’s no red snow or blue snow, but according to Mayor Bronson, there’s definitely some yellow areas. #whynotorangeorgreen???

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If your neighborhood is still covered in yellow snow, perhaps you can join the “Show Us Your Bronson” Facebook group to vent.

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Not to be outdone, Mayor Bronson made a NextDoor account to provide timely information about the untimely plowing. NextDoor. Let that sink in… 😂 We’re just going to have to wait until break up at this point, aren’t we?

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In other news: WhY cAn’T cOnSeRvAtiVeS PiCk uP SeaTs oN tHe AssEmBly?!

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Do you long for the days of 2018? Do you like Alaska political memes? I have the ultimate throwback for you. Type in “Dittman Research” into Duck Duck Go. Click on “Dunleavy Social Portfolio.” Enjoy and/or throw up.*

*Offer only valid for a limited time. Here’s hoping Matt isn’t a Stalker reader.

 

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Here’s a taste of the goods.

                

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Have you nominated your favorite Alaska politicos for a 2022 Landmine Legend yet? There’s still a few more days before voting begins. For what it’s worth, I voted Rep.-elect Alyse Galvin for best dressed, Sen. Lora Reinbold vs. Alaska Airlines for biggest political scandal and it was a tie between Tito and Toots for best/cutest political pet.

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Spotted toking in the middle of an NAACP meeting: Long time political activist Cal Williams. Peep that bong in the background!

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In real-estate news, it’s the end of an era. Bye bye, Mayor Dan. One suggestion: You may want to remove the giant vandalized campaign sign in your yard. After all, you want potential buyers to be able to visualize themselves living in the home and not be distracted by seeing personal photos of Liz Vazquez with a sharpied penis next to her face and the words: “suck me Dan.”


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In other real estate news…

 

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Overheard in Downtown Anchorage: “Did George Santos attend Gerace University”

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The Alaska Stalker was born and raised in Alaska. She lives in South Anchorage with her husband and three young children. She is not Jeff Landfield.

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J Gentry
18 days ago

This column is like the Alaska Conservative Karen Grievance Special. Keep up the good work!

Some Guy
17 days ago
Reply to  J Gentry

Huh? I’m guessing you have a sweet A-line haircut. Am I right?

Mark Regan
15 days ago

Dear Ms. Stalker,

I assume that this evening 100,000 people are faking up photos of Bronson Administration genitalia-shaped cookies and that thousands of them will try sending their fakes to you. How to verify that a photo is actually real will be a real challenge. Not that you’d print any of them, but that won’t stop people from sending them.

Good luck,

Mark Regan
Recent mover from Anchorage to Juneau

Just saying
12 days ago

That is an Oracle deck.