Humor, Satire, and Parody

Assemblymember Rivera goes on epic bender, wakes up Vice-Chair of Assembly

A recent meeting of the Anchorage Assembly turned out to be the final stop in a solo pub-crawl by Assemblymember Felix Rivera.

What was supposed to be a simple demonstration to highlight the costs of the proposed alcohol tax in Anchorage, turned into an epic mid-day bender for Rivera.

Before the December 18th Assembly meeting, Rivera posted a myriad of pictures on his official Facebook page of alcoholic beverages from multiple bars around Anchorage. Before he really got going Rivera told KTVA, “It’s a simple demonstration. I’m going to order a drink, post a pic of it with the price of what it is now and what it would be after the tax.” He added, “People who like to drink, like me, will have no problem paying a few extra bucks to get lit!”

Somewhere around his 8th drink things began to get hazy for Rivera. His designated driver, Assemblymember John Weddleton, who initially advised him against the stunt eventually encouraged him to stop mixing drinks. Weddleton commented, “I mean I kind of get what he’s trying to do but it seems he could have done it without slamming Jager bombs and margaritas before an Assembly meeting.”

When Rivera arrived at the Assembly meeting he was briefly detained by security. Once security realized who he was they let him in – and also encouraged him to vote for the tax. One of the security guards was overheard saying, “This is exactly why we need an alcohol tax. To help people like that guy.”

Rivera could be seen nodding off during the meeting, which went until midnight. When public testimony on the alcohol tax began, Rivera woke up, slammed a Vodka Red Bull and shouted, “Let’s do this!”

Rivera was elected Vice-Chair of the Assembly at the end of the meeting. As his colleagues were congratulating him he yelled, “Let’s end this mother fucker and go party!” Rivera was spotted later that night at McGinley’s Pub slamming Irish Car Bombs while professing his hatred for former Mayor Dan Sullivan.

Rivera woke up to a barrage of text messages. Some congratulatory and some encouraging him to get help. Confused, Rivera took to Facebook and made a post asking people what the hell happened the night before.


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4 years ago

And this is the road show of “leadership” PATHETIC

4 years ago

And this is leadership? PATHETIC

4 years ago

That’s not good.