Ask a Cat: Heartbreak, life, and cats

Ask a cat is new advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Hello Cat,

While I think speaking with you directly while curled up on my feet could go a long way to solve this issue, alas I have no cat. So my question is, how does one get over heartbreak? It would be easier if I had full clarity that it would not work out, but I only have some level of clarity currently that the issues were unresolvable

Signed,

Desiring happiness again

Dear Human,

Cat is very sorry to hear of your heartbreak. Someone wise once said that the way back from the melancholy of lost love is to engage in “activities of self.” So, Human, what are your activities of self? When was the last time you batted around the ‘ol string? Stalked a songbird? Cat recommends examining how you can cultivate the relationship that ultimately matters in the end – the relationship with yourself. Sometimes we are not given the gift of clarity when a relationship ends – and even if we are – often that does not make moving on any easier. Cat also suggests maybe you need a feline companion. Cat is not available for such services as I am in a committed situationship, but there are many lonely cats looking to warm your lap at local shelters.

If you are unsure about where to start, you can always ease your way back into the single life by being in service to others. Sometimes shifting the focus away from what we cannot (or perhaps, should not) change alleviates the oppression of sadness. Maybe you could volunteer to walk homeless hounds or refill kibble bowls. Focus on activities that give you purr-pose and build your self-esteem. Cat wishes you well as you heal your heart.

 

Dear Cat,

I feel like I’m destined for more in life, but I don’t know where to go or even where to start looking. Any ideas, suggestions, or advice would be so greatly appreciated.

Dear Human,

What a great and vast inquiry you make of Cat. Cat suggests that in order to glean what you are destined to do and accomplish, you should first take inventory of your current state of affairs. What is it about your current situation that you find unsatisfactory and lacking? Cat wonders, are you unhappy with your career? Your home? Your partner?

The easiest way to manage your destiny is one step at a time. If you try to upend every aspect of your life at once, you will find yourself entrenched in chaos. After you spend some time examining what you think could be improved, point your toe beans in the direction of one element and go forward from there. Cat believes that if you can narrow your focus a bit, you will be less afflicted with boundless malcontent.

 

Dear Cat,

Why are cats so aloof?

Dear Human,

Why are humans so inquisitorial? Why are dogs so malodorous? Why are Republicans so puerile? Why are Democrats so delicate?

My purrs-picacity on the collective feline allows me to correct that we are more discerning than aloof. Deciding with whom to share one’s time and affection with is a matter that requires great consideration. Cat encourages everyone to be as thoughtful when contemplating the company they keep.

 

Weekly musings from the scratching post:

Cat has received many inquiries in the last week asking for commentary on political matters, one unwelcome picture of a culinary rendering of human private parts, and one fan letter indicating they only frequent the Landmine to read Cat’s advice. Cat welcomes fan mail, thinks the majority of human politics are ludicrous, and is disinclined to comment on offensive baked goods.

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