Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Dear Cat,

My wife has been increasingly against my Vegas trips with the boys. We go a few times a year and it has only recently become an issue. I don’t cheat on her or do dumb shit. We just gamble and hang by the pool and go to strip clubs. The other wives are mostly cool. I never have an issue with her girls trips and some of those sound like they get pretty weird. How do I get her to be cool?

Dear Human: 

Good luck with that, because Cat doesn’t think it sounds you are being purrticularly “cool.” Cat would also like to point out you are playing it fast and loose with the phrase “dumb shit.” Alas, you have asked Cat for advice, so I will do my best. If you really want to keep doing Vegas with the boys, here are some practical ideas how to do that without jeopardizing your marriage. Keep in mind, Cat thinks you are as much the problem as you perceive your wife to be in this situation.

Start by listening to her. Invite her to have a talk with you about how she feels about the trips. Don’t be defensive, actively listen, don’t interrupt, and let her explain why she feels the way she does. After you have actually listened to her concerns, express your feelings and intentions. Don’t use this as an opportunity to defend or provide rebuttal to what she has said. Let her know that (supposedly) you value your relationship, and you also value your male friendships and bonding time with them. Follow this up by trying to seek a compromise. At this point you’ve listened to her concerns, so now it’s time to try and figure out what boundaries you can both feel happy with.

The obvious option is purrhaps agreeing not to visit strip clubs, but Cat will leave the specifics up to you and your wife. What consenting adults agree to is none of Cat’s concern. This is also a good time for you to examine how you feel about her girls trips. Is there a boundary you aren’t comfortable with that you need to discuss with her? Maybe part of the issue here is that both of you need to be honest about what you’re cool with. Be sure to continue to express your commitment to figuring out the issue together. Express your appreciation for her willingness to figure out a compromise that leaves both of you happy. In the end, remember that this isn’t you and the boys vs. your wife.

Think of this opportunity as you and your wife working together to come to an agreement where both parties can enjoy some healthy time away bonding with friends, which ultimately should be a benefit to your marriage.

Dear Cat,

I don’t want to give away too many specifics because I fear repercussions, but I work for a local hair salon. We have a notable client that uses our services. She is pretty well known in the community and actually works in the same field. The problem is that she is an exhausting bitch. She comes in frequently, complains a lot, and tips poorly if at all. She also posts on social media a lot and has a decent following. Let’s face it, this is a small town and the following she has is enough that people know who she is. Honestly I’d be happy to quietly lose her as a client, but she has brought us a little business with her “influencing.” It’s starting to feel like it isn’t worth it when she ruins everyone’s work day with her demands and complaints. Is there a way to get her to move on or am I screwed either way?

Dear Human,

It sounds like this woman has been taught that treating people in this way is acceptable and the only way to get what she wants. The entitlement is purrplexing, and the origin is just as mysterious. Purrhaps she experienced something similar in her own work in the beauty industry and thinks this is appropriate. Cat thinks that often when you encounter such an unreasonable human, it is nearly impossible to use logic to remedy the situation. The most important thing you can do above all else is maintain your professionalism.

Your reputation is important, and you know that this person has a direct link to the community. Even so, this shouldn’t feel like a blackmail situation. You mention that you work for a local salon, but it doesn’t sound like this is your own business. Maybe you are in a managerial position though and dealing with her falls on your plate. If that is not the case, Cat suggest taking a step back and asking your higher ups to take on this challenge. 

Ultimately, Cat suspects that this woman’s patronage is not the element that will determine your salon’s success or downfall. You may find that the best course of action is to quietly distance yourself. The less you enthusiastically engage with her, the less content she will have. Let her conversations at the salon be one sided, be less available if possible, and focus on building your own social media presence and soliciting some positive feedback from other clients that you enjoy having in the salon.

Dear Cat,

As another famously curious creature I read hoping your superior powers of feline discernment could help me out. What is the Total Cost of Ownership of the Bronson administration? Annual cost? I see these news items that make it sound like he’s tough on budget, but by my simple reckoning the costs of his scandals, unforced errors (and the Bronson berms) cost the municipality more than any savings he has achieved. I’ve run out of fingers and toes to count on, can you help a monkey out?

Respectfully yours,
Curious George

Dear George:

Thank you for acknowledging my superior powers of discernment. As you count my attributes on your primate digits, purrhaps you’ll note that one of them is not complex accounting. You’ll also not find amongst those fingers and toes one representing a deep concern for human politics. Determining the total cost of ownership of a political administration can be a complex and contentious task. Cat reckons it typically involves considering various economic, social, and environmental factors, and it’s often subject to different interpretations and opinions.

Clearly you are of a very specific opinion. Surely you know that the reality of answering your questions likely requires access to detailed financial records, expert analysis, and above all a thorough understanding of local government and finance. Opinions about fiscal responsibility are open to interpretation and beyond Cat’s care. If you’re simply wanting Cat’s snarky opinion then it would be that Bronson has the eloquence of a Husky and the wit of a Borzoi. Hopefully that provides some comfort.

Fur-midable Wisdom:

Perhaps the theme of the week is finding balance. Balance is required in relationships, business, and budgets. Let’s remember that balance is a purrsonal journey that looks different for each individual (and species.) It’s not about achieving perfect equilibrium in all areas all the time, rather it’s about continually assessing and adjusting to maintain a sense of harmony and wellbeing. 🐾