Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
Let’s say I’ve got this friend that I’ve known for about four years. At one point we dated very briefly, and then things got kind of weird and we both decided we had it right when we were just friends. The last couple months he has pretty much disappeared. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one trying in this friendship. I don’t know if he’s just busy, is dating someone new and thinks that I care about that, or if he’s just a bad friend and this whole thing has run its course. I don’t know, maybe he really thinks it’s me that’s the bad friend. Should I try reaching out? He blew off the plans we made about a month ago with little explanation and we haven’t texted or talked since.
Sadly, the same way romantic relationships run their course, sometimes so do friendships. It sounds like for whatever reason, this may be the case with you and your friend. There are friendships in life where two humans may not speak for months and then pick up right where they left off. Generally, those friendships don’t leave one person feeling slighted. The reality of the situation is that this person has not made time for you. Cat suspects you would know if there was a life altering event that made them lose touch (a family emergency, etc.) in this case, friend has chosen to go about their business without you, and that is sometimes a painful truth to accept. Purr usual, Cat must sadly remind you: when someone shows you who they are with their words or actions, believe them.
As to your pondering if you were the bad friend in this scenario: Cat can’t say for sure. If it’s something that has occurred to you, it is worth self-reflecting on. While you are not responsible for someone else’s feelings, it is a mature venture to consider how you can be a better friend. Cat is not suggesting you could have prevented this ending, simply that you focus on yourself and nurturing your friendships that are currently healthy. It may not be worth your time to reach out, unless you are truly concerned you’ve committed some sort of offense. It is likely that you two will cross paths again, and maybe in time more information will come to light. If they had something to say, they would have said it.
My girlfriend really wants to get married. We’ve been together for two years and live together. Honestly I don’t want to marry her. I don’t know that I ever want to get married. I thought it wasn’t an issue because we’ve talked about how things wouldn’t really change if we got married anyway. She keeps bringing it up and I know she’s pissed, but I’m sick of it causing nonstop arguments. Should we just break up?
Yes, you should probably just break up.
It seems clear to Cat that you two want different things. You are both compromising on one of the biggest defining experiences of a human’s life. Purrsonally, Cat doesn’t really have an opinion on if couples should get married, just that both people should probably be on the same page. Cat asks you to consider: if nothing would really change, why do you not want to marry her? Cat suspects that with some reflection, you will realize that, in fact, marriage does change a relationship dynamic, and you simply do not want to go there with this person. If you acquiesce and are “forced” into marriage by your partner, you are doing a great disservice to yourself and her.
As adult humans seeking meaningful romantic relationships, conversations should really be had about expectations and where each partner sees things progressing. You two have done this, albeit in a roundabout way. It seems clear that you are both ready to move on and not be with partners that you are settling for. This doesn’t mean the relationship didn’t have value and that you two don’t share love, but it does sound like it has run its course.
Does a winter city like Anchorage really need to invest more in bike lanes?
Cat rarely rides a bike, so Cat doesn’t have overly strong opinions on the topic. If Cat was to give thought to your query, I do think it might be a worthy endeavor. Cat can only imagine that in the future, due to what silly humans are doing to the environment, that greener modes of transportation will be in everyone’s best interest. Yes, this is a winter city, but that doesn’t mean that it is not worth it to invest in exploration of alternate modes of getting around. Given the current state of our roadways and propensity for inclement weather, the solution will not be a simple one. Purrhaps this is a question more suited for our esteemed Anchorage Assembly. Cat points a paw specifically to Assembly member Dr. Daniel Volland. The good doctor assures Cat that many winter cities have thriving bike lanes that can either be properly maintained all winter or just installed seasonally. He can speak more eloquently on bike access in this city to his cat-stituents, should you feel unsatisfied with Cat’s contemplations on the topic.
Cat’s philosophical ball of string:
This week Cat broods over endings and beginnings. Sometimes endings are natural as relationships fade or the seasons change. Occasionally endings are harsh, unexpected, and painful. In these times, our values are challenged and sometimes we are forced to reassess. The beauty of an ending, in whatever form, is the new beginning it brings about. 🐾