Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
Dear Cat,
I recently (and maybe foolishly) tried to re-join the dating scene by downloading dating apps. Cat, WHY are men that I clearly have nothing in common with swiping right on me? Do men just not care about anything other than a potential hook up? I don’t mind going on a date with someone that isn’t exactly the same as me, but what makes a self-proclaimed ultra-conservative man that says he doesn’t want children say “yes” to an extremely liberal mother of two that literally mentions things in her profile that are the opposite of conservatism? This isn’t just occasional, this is happening a LOT.
Dear Human,
Cat does not envy the plight of those attempting to find romance in this town. In fact, Cat really only needs consistent kibble and sunshine in which to nap to feel completely content. As we cannot all be this enlightened, Cat will try to help. Unfortunately, cat suspects these men are, in fact, just swiping right on anyone that is of their preferred gender expression. Purrhaps they are after quantity, not quality. Cat also suspects this is a problem that transcends the entire political spectrum. The best case scenario is that some of these men are so open minded that they don’t want to lose the opportunity to meet a new person just because they don’t have core values in common. Cat believes that’s about as likely as your local conversative-minded man donating to Planned Parenthood.
Cat encourages you not to dwell. You are under no obligation whatsoever to settle. Having a partner should increase your quality of life and, although sometimes challenging, be nurturing and fun. While Cat encourages you to not discount a potential partner with a few lifestyle differences, I do encourage you to stick to your (controlled) guns when it comes to your core values. Let these fools swipe away, and try to focus on swiping your paw right on those that make you smile, seem kind, and don’t immediately make you want to relocate to the lower 48.
Dear Cat,
Me and my ex have been on and off for five years. We’re aren’t together right now because she said I don’t try enough, but I feel like I do and she just nags a lot. I want to be back together with her, what should I do?
Dear Human,
Sigh.
Cat encourages you both to move on. Five years is a long time and it sounds like there have been numerous break ups. Cat doesn’t know if all the break ups have been purrpetuated by her, but clearly there are reasons why it has consistently not worked out. Cat can certainly sympathize with the idea that its hard to let a person go, especially if in the past you two have been able to reconcile. Cat will simply point out that clearly you two are not meeting each others needs (or maybe she was meeting your needs and you never met hers.) Either way, by holding on to the idea of this past relationship you are hurting not only yourself, but her as well. If you care for her, I advise you let her find a partner that fulfills her needs and does not require nagging in the first place. In the meantime, it will allow you to work on yourself, and maybe find a mutually beneficial partnership in the future.
Dear Cat,
I’m a newlywed. Honestly we weren’t dating/engaged that long, all in all about two years. I don’t have any doubts, my wife is great and when it’s the two of us, our relationship goes really smoothly. Well, Cat, these last several months were our first as a married couple. Both our families live in Alaska and frankly it caused a ton of tension now that we are a married couple. I thought we would continue to do what we’d done in the past, each of us spending more time with our respective families on holidays than with each other, or going back and forth. My wife has been upset because she seems to think we should be doing everything together. I don’t really know how to address this for this next year, but I felt like I missed out on a lot of my own family stuff by just agreeing to what she wanted to do for Thanksgiving/Christmas/etc. this last year.
Dear Human,
Fortunately, Cat believes your conundrum is one that can be happily resolved. As we have moved out of the major holiday season, Cat encourages you to plan ahead now. It doesn’t matter exactly how you do it, but what does matter is that you are openly communicating with your wife. You are already lucky in that you have two families that enjoy celebrating with each other and live in close proximity. Cat suspects that both you and your wife probably felt a tiny bit of sadness or nostalgia this last year as your family traditions were evolving. Although sometimes happy, change is often still uncomfortable. Given that you two seem to have a solid relationship, Cat suspects your wife would be open to a discussion about how to plan ahead for the year to come. There should be a way that everyone can get their holiday needs met. Have you two considered hosting a holiday event for your combined families? That may ease some tension. Creating new holiday traditions together will strengthen your relationship. Approach the conversation as “us vs. the problem” and not “me vs. you.” Best of luck for a Meowy Christmas.
Cat Chat
Spring Fever has afflicted the humans! Cat is greatly amused by the number of dating and relationship inquiries this week. It seems the Alaskans have got a whiff of the dust that lies beneath the melting snow in their snouts and have emerged to seek love, albeit maybe in the wrong places. Remember to be open but not compurrmise your values and swipe mindfully. 🐾