Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
I started seeing a new guy, it’s been less than a month. Last weekend I was over at his place and we were just lying around scrolling our phones on the couch. He showed me a TikTok of a woman putting on makeup – granted, she went from zero makeup to full glam- but he made such a big deal about how women are liars and you can’t trust women who wear makeup, etc. Honestly this man has literally never seen me without some sort of makeup. I don’t wear that much day to day, but now I just think he’s kind of dumb. Do all men think “natural” makeup means no makeup? I feel like there’s no way I want to be around him now in my natural state. Should I just break it off? I guess I like him otherwise- but I’m definitely rethinking it.
Although I am a cat and not a human man, Cat has some opinions on the matter.
- Generally human men have no idea what the majority of women look like without makeup. They may see their partner/women in their family without makeup, but between social media filters and magazine covers, they don’t realize many women in their workplace/out in public are wearing some degree of cosmetics.
- What most men don’t appreciate is the expectation that women face that they will have some sort of makeup on while out in public/in the workplace. If a woman who usually wore even minimal makeup presented without it, she will often be asked if she slept poorly or if she is ill.
- Women who wear makeup aren’t trying to “trick” men, they’re either doing it because they enjoy it for themselves or feel obligated by society to appear made up to a certain degree.
Honestly, your guy just sounds like a product of typical patriarchal beliefs. He may also be, as you suspect, a little dumb. Cat is a bit concerned by his assertion that women who wear makeup are “liars.” Cat thinks that unless he has some pawsitive redeeming qualities, he may not be worth your time.
I’m a dude in my 40’s that does pretty well for myself financially and I also am lucky to have family money. I feel like every time I try to date, the woman finds out how well off I am and then the requests start coming in. Sometimes they just straight up ask for help fixing their car or for a pair of shoes, but sometimes it’s more subtle with them complaining about a vacation they wish they could afford or how much their student loan payments are. How am I supposed to find someone that isn’t just interested in me for my money?
Cat wonders if there was some sort of event in your life where you shared your generous wealth and then felt emotionally dismissed shortly thereafter. You are under no obligation to share your bountiful finances with someone you’re dating, but you should appreciate that there is usually some degree of “treating” one another in a typical relationship. In these modern times there is no reason why a man should be expected to pay for everything, but it is still well within courtesy to pay for a meal that you have invited a date to attend. Cat wonders if the problem is where and with whom you are seeking dates.
You say you are in your 40’s, but maybe you are dating younger women who are less established in their careers and therefore money is naturally more of a concern. Just because a woman wishes (out loud) she could take a vacation or be relieved of her student loans does not mean she is asking you to take care of it personally. Another thing Cat wonders is how these women are supposedly finding out about your considerable wealth. Are you the one bringing it up? Are you insisting on fancy restaurants for dates? Do you always wear your Rolex and drive your Aston Martin for a first time meet up?
Because you are concerned, Cat suggests you keep things as neutral as possible on the topic of money when meeting new people. Focus on getting to know the other person to discern their values and if you enjoy their personality. At some point or another, we all need support from a partner. If you find a woman that you trust and love, you likely won’t have an uneasy feeling about being generous with your resources – whether that means being emotionally available, helping her move furniture, or picking up the check for dinner. A good partner won’t hesitate to do the same for you.
Now that the snow has finally melted and spring cleanup has officially started, I can see that my next door neighbor’s lawn is absolutely littered with dog crap. We live in an HOA and while all our small yards are fenced, we still share a common wall and when I’m in my outdoor space, I can pretty much see into theirs and vice versa. All winter they’ve been low-key annoying me by leaving their trash out for days before pickup day, letting their dog bark, and having an extra truck parked out front. The whole reason I agreed to live in a place with HOA fees is because I wanted to be in a neighborhood with some curbside appeal. I don’t want to be that guy (whatever the male version of a “Karen” is) and report them to the HOA. I feel like we should all be adults and follow the rules, but the smell of the dog crap feels like the last straw. Should I just report them to the HOA and then deal with their retaliation in whatever form? Or should I just leave it alone and feel resentful but mind my own business?
Google tells Cat that the male version of a Karen is a Ken. Honestly, reporting your neighbors’ litter box of a back yard and trashy habits doesn’t seem like Ken behavior. While no one enjoys a nitpicking HOA, the reason you pay (likely cat-astrophically high) dues is to regulate shenanigans like this. Cat’s point is that this doesn’t need to be your problem. A good HOA won’t knock on neighbors’ door and say, “Ken says you are dirty and an unfit dog parent, please clean up your mess so Ken is no longer upset.” Instead, they will issue a warning in writing and follow up with some sort of visual inspection to see that the problem has been remedied. Will your stinky neighbors know it was you that reported them? Maybe. Can you deny it? Certainly. It is unlikely you are the only one that has been annoyed by neighbor’s habits. Do yourself a favor and do not take on this burden. Outsource it to its proper place.
Musings from a sunspot:
Dear humans: Cat thanks you for your dedication and patience as I took last week off. I’m feline fine, but let that be a lesson that sometimes we all need to loaf on a comfy sofa and soak up some leisure. Cheers.🐾☀️