Can’t get over the one that got away? Troublesome coworker? For all the advice you seek, e-mail askacat@alaskalandmine.com or send a message anonymously here.
Dear Cat,
My ex claims they still love me but are going through some pretty big issues right now and keeping their distance. They have been asking me for money more frequently. Cat, how do I proceed? How do I go about finding the truth if they really do care for me? Do I cut this person out?
-Morally confused cat lover.
Dear Confused Human,
Cat suspects that if a dear friend of yours was in the same situation, you would advise them to step away from this dynamic. Cat understands that sometimes the heart is a tangled ball of yarn, but let me pounce straight to the point: You can’t allow ex to treat you like a bank, the emotional interest rate is far too high. This person keeps their distance, but still has the audacity to ask for money. Please sharpen those claws of discernment.
What may have been a decent relationship at one point is clearly no longer serving you. This is a one-way street benefiting only your ex. Forgive yourself for allowing them to take more than they give and start drawing hard boundaries between your heart, bank account, and their solicitations. When the cash flow dries up, you may find that ex loses interest. That may sting, but should further clarify how unhealthy this situation is. This person has already told you how much they care for you with their actions, believe them. Consider taking some time away from dating all together as you examine how you can seek healthier dynamics in the future.
Dear Cat,
When I shop I’m really just seeking the elusive favorite item that “got away” (lost/found but didn’t purchase/could never afford at a decent price/etc.), and this results in too many clothes of varying degrees of quality. If I were a cat, I could simply keep my favorite cardboard box forever, and lead a relatively minimalist lifestyle in my one suit of fur. In a travesty of circumstances, however, I have to go to a cubicle and use Microsoft Suite 40 hours a week. Additionally, societal pressures demand that I do so in a variety of clothing options and somehow that’s snowballed into me searching endlessly for the perfect navy wool sweater. What’s a non-cat maximalist to do? Thanks in advance.
Dear Human,
Cat feels for you. While I do luxuriate in the simplicity of my one fur coat, I also do not eschew a plethora of accessories. Cat maintains that nature is the original maximalist, and I am very content to seek pleasure from a multitude of sources. There is nothing minimalist about a mountain sunrise, a lush forest, or a star filled sky. It’s innate in your DNA to bask in multisensory and resplendent experiences.
From the view of a cubicle, sometimes that manifests in other ways. Purrsonally, I believe that both minimalist and maximalist culture have gotten out of hand. Upon examination, you may find it is the hunt and not the catch that sparks joy. In a world where humans sit in poorly lit offices and commune with Microsoft for many of their waking hours, you deserve to treat yourself in an utterly guilt free manner.
As to the topic of societal pressures, Cat can only recommend that you seek experiences (e.g. very fine sweaters) that make you feel your most confident and comfortable. Outside praise is normal to seek, but self confidence is more lasting and satisfying. Cat implores you to embrace what you love and view your Microsoft ventures as a means to fund your sweater seeking and maximalist proclivities. There is a false nobility in living in extreme lack, and a desperate dissatisfaction in always seeking material goods. Cat is a fan of embracing both in their own way. If searching for the perfect navy wool sweater brings you joy, there is no shame in that.
Dear Cat,
What advice do you have for the modern couple contemplating a prenup? Children likely to be in the picture, if we are so lucky.
Sincerely, a childless cat lady
Dear Cat Lady,
Ah, the modern conundrum of the prenup—how to plan for a future of love, kittens, and possibly dividing the cat tree in the event of a less-than-happy ending. Cat’s purrspective on a prenup is not that you are doubting your love, rather in an act of love, you are ensuring that both parties land on their feet in the unlikely event life takes you elsewhere. There is a popular cynicism about prenups that they are an act of planning to fail. Cat disagrees.
While I don’t think every couple needs one, if both parties are amenable to the process, it need only be one of many steps on the path to marriage. Drafting a prenup can be a good exercise in how you and your partner handle the paperwork of legal partnership. Undoubtedly in a marriage there are events where both parties need to have their opinions heard, validated, and paperwork must be filled out (e.g. taxes, wills, annual holiday letters…)
Modern marriage is part love, part government contract. The reality of relationships is that they don’t always last. You humans live an awfully long time and tend to mature at different rates and can change drastically in values and interests as the years pass. A marriage ending is not a failure, it is just another one of life’s many experiences. Having a prenup can make an emotionally trying life transition easier, and again, that is an act of love and care. This is also an opportunity to check in with yourself and see if you feel your future spouse has your best interest at heart. If you feel taken advantage of, scared, or unrepresented in the process of drafting a prenup, listen to your intuition and proceed with caution. Cat wishes you longevity, love, and as many kittens as your heart desires.
Cat Chat:
Where are you missing out on life’s simple pleasures because you are entangled in the purrspective of others? 🐾
Featured Feline:
Here Sienna (or “Potato Salad” to those who know her well) enjoys a scenic view and contemplates the dignity of being nicknamed after a picnic side dish.
