On Thursday, Alaska Landmine content creators Paxson Woelber and Scott Jensen announced that they had voted to unionize and would soon initiate a collective bargaining process with Alaska Landmine editor-in-chief Jeff Landfield. The announcement comes on the heels of a similar announcement by the staff of the Anchorage Daily News.

“Our demands are simple,” said Jensen. “Jeff must commit to using the term ‘loose’ four or fewer times per week, and the word ‘woke’ a maximum of twice. We will continue to monitor his use of ‘mate’ and may expand our demands at any time.”

“The state of the Landmine office refrigerator is a topic of great concern for us too,” said Woelber. “We demand Truly rather than Kirkland brand seltzers. And we also demand at least Glenlivet 12 for our live streams. We’d also like some chipotle steak pizza from the Tooth at our next stream. Good work happens when you have good pizza, and the buckwheat Hawaiian with whole tomatoes and triple pineapple at the last live event was sub-par and honestly super weird. Who even makes pizza like that?”

In response to the demands, Landfield commented “Landmine kind of operates on a shoestring, guys. It’s not like I’m going to Vegas every other week or taking luxurious international vacations. Also, you guys are co-owners so you can’t unionize anyway. This whole thing is very loose.”

“That’s one use of ‘loose,’ Jeff,” Scott replied. “You only have three left to go.”