Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Dear humans: Before we get started, a reminder that Ask a Cat is fueled by your questions (and kibble.) Don’t be shy, you can submit anonymously here and Cat will do their best to guide/judge you. 

Dear Cat,

This is the first Christmas I’ll be single in a long time. The last relationship I was in for three years ended after I fucked up Valentine’s day last year. Before that I was always dating someone or living in the same state as family. I’m not really sure what to do this year, it seems kind of depressing to be alone.

Dear Human,

Cat is curious as to what you did (or didn’t) do on Valentine’s Day, but I digress. I also want to know if you have any friends, as this seems to be the obvious company for a holiday in the absence of a partner or family. Let’s assume for now that you don’t, because even if you’re alone, you can probably still manage to enjoy the holiday solo. The first thing Cat recommends is that you use this year to establish some new traditions on your own. This can be anything from attending a local holiday event, cutting down your own tree, or even taking a vacation to a tropical locale. In addition to some new traditions, how about embracing the spirit of the season and doing some volunteering? Often the efforts and donations a nonprofit receives during the holidays help to carry them throughout the year. A little gratitude and perspective are usually side effects of helping those less fortunate.

Let’s circle back to my catty assertion that purrhaps you don’t have any friends and consider that maybe you do. Many grown-ups (even ones with partners and local family) actually choose to spend part of the holidays with their friends. This could be a year to go out of your way to plan a holiday event or two with them. If you have any decent relationship with your family, now is also an ideal time to reach out to them to rekindle any long lost family festivities. Cat thinks that it makes sense that if this is your first holiday alone there will be a range of emotions. Whatever you do, Cat suggests it is best not to isolate yourself as it will probably make you feel worse.

Dear Cat,

My ex-wife’s fiancé is probably the most annoying and dumb person I have had the displeasure of communicating with. My ex already isn’t smart, and the two combined are an actual nightmare when it comes to trying to co-parent our son. Fiancé feels like he needs to interject an opinion on everything and it pains me that he has any influence in my child’s life. I have the majority of custody, but the reality is I’m probably going to have to deal with these people for the rest of my life. How does Cat suggest I do this without going crazy?

Dear Human,

Cat is fully willing to believe that ex and fiancé are under par when it comes to intelligence, after all, they haven’t sought Cat’s advice on the matter and you have. That being said, it sounds like you are stuck with ex and her fiancé (for however long their relationship lasts) due to the child you share. Cat assumes that you two have already done the requisite actions like come to a legal agreement/make everything official. Because you likely already have technical boundaries in place, I recommend taking a hard look the more subtle/emotional boundaries at play.

There are two facts Cat sees pretty clearly. First, until ex and fiancé are actually married, this guy probably doesn’t have any legal say in how decisions are made between you, ex, and your son. Second, even though this person doesn’t technically have a say, it sounds like the two of them are sharing one brain cell and you’re stuck dealing with his commentary regardless. If at all possible, start by limiting communication to specific avenues. Limiting the casual chatter between you three will help take the edge off the unwelcome opinions. Cat recommends sticking only to essential topics like your child’s health, education, and overall welfare. Unfortunately you are going to have to choose your battles and know that every issue isn’t going to be worth the turmoil of addressing.

Another thing to consider is that your son won’t be young forever. At some point, kids grow up and start to notice who the inconsistent and selfish adults are in their life are. Beyond a certain point, you may have to see these people socially, but you will no longer have custody and parenting concerns to the same degree you do now. The biggest element you can control in this scenario is your own emotional regulation and actions. If things do become unsafe or dire beyond everyday stupidity, you may have to invest in legal advice that is above Cat’s paygrade. In the meantime, don’t forget to not only take care of yourself, but to seek out friends and family that also care about your welfare and can support you through this purrticularly difficult time in your life.

Dear Cat,

Mice or rats?

Dear Human, 

Cat isn’t sure how this will improve your quality of life, but since you asked, let me share the thoughts of a cat on mice vs. rats. 

For most domesticated cats (such as myself) I prefer to avoid both. I prefer my meals served to me on fine China in a timely manner. With the exception of occasional sport-hunting, I don’t really concern myself with vermin, but I know preferences vary amongst my furry brethren. From what I gather, the rat vs. mice debate boils down to personal preference and necessity. Should a cat be in pursuit of a snack and find themselves out and about, size is a consideration. A mouse is a more practical snack on the go, whereas a rat could be quite more to contend with.

For those of us that prefer the classic stalk-and-pounce technique, a mouse is also preferable. Taking down a rat requires more strategy and wit, as they tend to be a bit more assertive when confronted. If forced to eat out of the comfort of a home, Cat supposes that simple availability is also a factor. Are you on the streets of New York? Or romping through a cornfield in Nebraska? Some environments are plentiful with rats whereas others are more tempting to mice. Cat will also note that consuming such critters out in the wild is inadvisable. Mice and rats often carry disease and parasites that this Cat has no purrticular interest in acquiring. 

Cat Chat:

While cats are generally all about cultivating independence and taking naps, admittedly the holiday season often asks us all to be more social than the rest of the year. As tempting as it is to sit out these events with family and friends, don’t forget that the memories made are often more valuable than a few hours of sleep lost. 🐾