Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Dear Cat,

I’m just feeling really lonely. I don’t know what to do about it?

Dear Human,

Loneliness is a broad feeling. Are you feeling lonely but surrounded by friends and family? Or are you feeling lonely because you’re actually isolated and in need of a boost to your social activities? Loneliness in the presence of others indicates that purr-haps you are grappling with some depression and need to seek guidance from a trusted source (besides Cat.) It’s also possible that the depths of your relationships surrounding you are a bit shallow. If you feel lonely but technically have friends you spend time with – what can you do to strengthen those bonds? Often a new activity that you experience together can deepen your friendships. Seek out a novel activity and cultivate some closeness. This works with family members and romantic interactions as well.

If you’re lonely just by virtue of not having others around, its time to get out there and change that. While it’s hard to get off a comfy couch, Cat insists that you need to at least make one small step in the right direction. Often when we feel lonely, motivation is low due to the sadness that follows. Taking things one small step at a time will remedy this. You don’t have to go to a bar on a Saturday night and make friends with everyone there. Try going to the same coffee shop every week and learning the barista’s name and saying hello to a regular. Pick one area you care about and spend just an hour volunteering. Small steps can yield big rewards over time, and hopefully that reward will be the waning of those lonely feelings and more pawsitive interactions with others.

Dear Cat,

Why can’t me and my ex move on? We dated on and off for years. We haven’t officially been together for awhile, but we still talk all the time and I feel like we both care about each other. The problem is that we both know there are things about the other that just don’t work in a relationship. Is this holding us back from really moving on? Or is this just actually what “staying friends” looks like?

Dear Human,

Cat doesn’t really know if this is a problem, you don’t seem overly purr-turbed. Let’s mull it over. Obviously, you and ex have a connection if you managed to date “on and off for years.” You also don’t make it sound as if it ended in a particularly traumatic way, as you two still regularly keep in touch. In general, Cat finds it odd that humans are always trying to stuff their relationships and experiences into socially acceptable boxes. Let’s assume that you and ex are also both currently single: Cat thinks that the way two consenting adults choose to communicate is probably just fine. If either of you find yourselves in a new relationship, Cat encourages you to examine if you are relying on ex for purr-haps too much of something.

While no one person can provide everything for their partner, if ex is your primary means of emotional support, you may want to re-examine this dynamic. Ex may, in fact, just be a friend at this point. You two have clearly experienced a lot together, and ultimately it is up to both of you to decide how that evolves and how much impact it has on your day-to-day life and future relationships.

Dear Cat,

In the past year one of my brothers (I am one of 4 kids) has gotten really involved in the LDS church. We were raised pretty liberal with occasional trips to church with visiting relatives on Christmas Eve. Honestly, I don’t even know how he got talked into joining a formal religion, much less one that is so stringent and the opposite of the way we were all raised. I find it super weird but what really bugs me is that he wants to drag us all down with him. I don’t want my impressionable 13-year-old to be around his crazy religious talk, particularly when things like women’s rights are so fragile. I love my brother, but he is driving me crazy right now. What do you think I should do?

Dear Human,

Mee-ow. That’s a tough one. The way Cat sees it, grown ups can decide to be in whatever cult (err… “religion”) they choose to. We all deserve the free will to partake in whatever sort of beliefs and ceremony give us comfort and direction in this life. The real issue, as you point out, is that brother is proselytizing a bit too hard to the family, including the youth. You likely won’t be able to talk brother out of his new beliefs. Cat doesn’t really think you should try to as it is entirely his prerogative to participate in his new church activities.

Cat does think you need to have a very clear and stern conversation with brother about piping down around your child. In the same way that he was allowed to make choices about his religion as a grown adult, he should respect that you are trying to protect your child from his religious purr-suasion. You may want to recruit your other siblings to be part of this discussion if they are feeling equally annoyed. If not, it is your responsibility as a parent to broach the topic with your brother. If he can’t censor himself, it is your call as to how much time you want him to spend around your kid.

Cat-templations:

Human dynamics are tricky, and Cat does not envy any of you. I encourage you all to be mindful of how you wield your influence this week. Are you commandeering someone’s time unfairly? Are you trying to bring someone into the fold that would rather be left out? Are you feeling left out of the fold and lonely? Let’s all take paws and consider our responsibility in relationship to one another. 🐾