Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Dear Cat,

My grandson’s dog, Suzy, loves to sniff everything, including cats, but my daughter’s cats are scared of Suzy. The cats’ hissing is puzzling to the dog. Suzy is a very sweet dog, definitely not a cat hater, but Suzy loves her some sniffing. How can dogs and cats get along? Any advice on sniffing and hissing?

Dear Human,

It is a truth universally acknowledged (and a damn shame) that dogs are annoying. I appreciate your desire for everyone to get along, but these things can’t be forced. Cat finds unwelcome sniffing to be highly offensive and a violation of purrsonal space. Cat isn’t sure if you have more than one child, or if your grandson’s dog (Suzy) is in the same household as your daughters’ cats. If this is not the case, and Suzy is just traveling for family gatherings, it is probably wise not to introduce this dog into a foreign household with cats. This could cause a big shift in behavior and cause long term issues. If Suzy lives in the same house as the cats in question, there will still need to be boundaries in place.

The most important thing to do here is to make sure the cats have access to private dog-free space. Hissing indicates they are uncomfortable or feel threatened. A cat tree or a room that is blocked off from Suzy-access is a good start. Also please make sure Suzy does not have access to their food or litter box, as that will create more hostility. It sounds like Suzy isn’t a safety concern, so doing your best to make sure the cats don’t feel cornered and have their own areas of the house will be your best bet to create harmony.

Dear Cat,

My husband can’t stay awake while at home with our 1-year-old. Should I put cocaine in his coffee or what?

Dear Human,

Sometimes one doesn’t have to say much to say to convey a lot. First and foremost, Cat is sorry that you are clearly bearing the majority burden of parenting a toddler. Second, what is going on with your husband? Cat wonders if this is a new development? Is he just lazy, or is something more troubling going on? Although Cat is tempted to rant about equitable division of domestic and family labor, Cat also doesn’t want to make assumptions. What is clear is that you and snoozy husband need to sit down and have a serious discussion. Even though Cat is averse to babies, I do have some appreciation for the fact that they do require near constant monitoring and care. If you continue to bear the responsibility of full time parenting alone, resentment and bitterness will brew and before you know it you will have more problems than you can shake a Ziplock bag of cocaine at. During your conversation avoid distractions, set clear expectations, and make sure to listen in the way that you want to also be listened to. Hopefully you and your partner can figure out a way to manage childcare without resorting to illicit drugs.

Dear Cat,

My wedding is coming up. My soon-to-be-husband and I planned for over a year, sent out save the dates several months ago and invitations a couple months ago. Between myself and my fiancé and our families, it’s going to be a very nice event and we have all invested a lot of money to make it a sit-down dinner with an open bar and a lot of great music with a live band and hopefully dancing and hours of celebrating. I sent out invites with specific names on them, with an RSVP required. It is its own nightmare to get people to RSVP, but I’ve actually had people RSVP and ADD names to the meal choice/rsvp card AND I’ve had people text me that they plan to bring their kid and that they “won’t be any trouble.” Cat, I know I’m not the first one to have this problem, but this is my first and hopefully only wedding and if I wanted someone’s child at my wedding, I would have invited them. Spoiler alert, I didn’t invite ANY children to my wedding. How am I supposed to respond to these people?

Dear Human:

This is a tail as old as time. The eternal struggle between those getting married and those attending the blessed event. Cat encourages you to step back and think about your life experiences as a wedding guest. Recall how vastly different it is to be an attendee vs. how it feels now to be the bride.

Now that you’ve taken a moment to breathe and remember how fleeting your event is to others, let’s refocus on how seemingly important it is to you.

Cat maintains that you have every right to not include children in your ceremony or reception. As many have advised before, while it is your prerogative to exclude children from your wedding, the consequence is simply that some will be unwilling or unable to peel themselves away from their spawn for one evening of elegant grown-up time to attend. Cat encourages you to have someone else respond to those who have erroneously RSVP’d with extra guests or who have reached out to you to indicate they are planning to bring their children. Your fiancé, a family member, a wedding planner, or a hearty member of your wedding party should be able to send a quick text or email to the offending guests to inform them that they are helping you wrap up wedding plans and unfortunately uninvited guests cannot be accommodated. This may help remove any emotional charge from the interaction and resolve the issue.

Cat wishes you many happy years of wedded bliss to come and hopes that any snafus the day of your event are overshadowed by the joy of your union.

Kibble for thought:

This week’s inquiries to the cat (in)box have me pondering purrsonable responsibility. Cat encourages you to ask yourself: whose life am I making more difficult and unpleasant because I am not taking basic responsibility for my actions and their outcomes? 🐾