Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.

Dear Cat,

I have a really solid group of friends. We’re mostly unmarried and don’t have kids. We have dinners together, go on camping trips, see concerts, stuff like that. We’re all pretty close. In the last year one of the guys and one of the girls started dating. We never really thought the guy was the type to settle down. His reputation was more about getting around… sooo, as it turns out, me and him had been hooking up for a long time and no one in the group really knew. It stopped for a little bit after he got together this with other gal, but its started up again in the last month or so. I think he’s pretty happy seeing her, and I do feel bad about being “the other woman” but also, him and I had been hooking before they even got together. I enjoy it, so I don’t want to stop, but I guess I’m starting to feel guilty because as far as any of us know they don’t really have some sort of open relationship. So I guess I’m asking what should I do, cut things off? Or continue to enjoy myself?

Dear Human,

Oh my. What a tangled web you have found yourself in. I find you surprisingly blasé for the drama you have described. You genuinely don’t seem to have given much thought to being party to a cheating scandal. But, purrhaps this is not the scandal Cat assumes it to be. With regards to an “open” relationship, Cat supposes it is possible they do have some sort of agreement in place. Cat has no real qualms with what consenting adults decide to do with their relationship dynamics.

However…

You seem fairly confident that there is no real “open” relationship here and that you two are just cheaters. Unfortunately, it seems as though you are both equally to blame, while unknowing girlfriend carries on as if she is in a monogamous relationship. For what its worth, Cat also wonders who you and this man are carrying on with in addition to each other. Cat suggests you are putting more than yourselves at risk for STI’s and general emotional damage.

So, what’s a trollop to do?

Cat hopes that you cease your philandering to ponder consequences. You’re already deep into the litter box when it comes to potential poor outcomes of this relationship. You stand to lose not only your casual hook up, but also the respect of your friends. Cat suggests that how you proceed depends entirely on how much you value these friendships. If these are very close friends that you are hoping will be in your life in the long term, you and guy may need to discuss coming clean. Cat would like to reiterate that the burden of these shenanigans lies equally between you two. If you are ok with the idea of losing these friendships, you may as well keep quiet. Let it be known that these types of things have a tendency to come to the surface eventually. Cat suggests taking responsibility for the narrative sooner rather than later.

Dear Cat,

I figure a cat might know. This summer there have been dozens (maybe even hundreds) of European starlings around my neighborhood. I first noticed because they are noisy and seem to travel in big flocks. I’m used to having chickadees, nuthatches, and robins around my yard. Now I feel like all I see are these Starlings. I know they aren’t native to the area, what can I do to discourage them?

Dear Human,

European starlings are, in fact, an invasive species in Anchorage. According to the Google, they made their way all the way across the country, originally starting as a population of 60 birds released on the East Coast. Despite their humble beginnings, they now number closer to 150 million and have found their way up north. Local experts don’t necessarily advocate hunting them. Given the sheer number of starlings, apparently hunting hasn’t been shown to significantly reduce the population. As a means of management, authorities suggest limiting the areas where they can readily nest, taking down bird feeders, and keeping garbage secure. Personally, Cat suggests they are delicious when sautéed in a little butter and garlic.

Dear Cat,

I’m a nurse, I recently took a job at a new clinic. My coworkers are (mostly) nice, but they are all obsessed with dieting and losing weight. None of them are actually overweight. Their fixation seems unhealthy and I feel this weird pressure to join in. I have my own history of body image stuff and it’s taken me a long time to be happy/body positive where I am. I don’t want them to think I’m judging them… but I kind of am. It seems so shallow and superficial. How can I get them to calm down?

Dear Human,

Cat agrees that this is a tricky work dynamic to join. Unfortunately, not everyone has taken the time to develop a pawsitive body image. Given that you have a history of these kinds of challenges, you can probably appreciate how much work it took for you to accept and love your own body. It’s too bad your coworkers aren’t there yet, and who knows, they may never be. Cat’s best advice is to redirect these conversations. It probably isn’t worth your time yet (especially as the new employee) to outright tell your coworkers how distasteful you find their chatter. So why not steer the talk in a new direction? If Polly the Persian laments her fluffy physique, maybe you bring up an interesting article you read about positive self-talk. When the chatter turns to restrictive eating, perhaps you compliment someone’s pleasant demeanor with the clinic patients. If they seem obsessed, maybe its because they are purrpetuating the conversation amongst themselves. Be consistent in introducing new topics, or be mindful to not engage with their unhealthy banter.

Feline Philosophy

From the shapeliest Scottish fold to the most svelte sphynx, we all have immense value far beyond our physical attributes. 🐾