Ask a cat is new advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
Dear Cat,
As Valentine’s day approaches, I think I’m in trouble! I have been married pretty happily for a few years and we have a baby. Lately I have developed a full blown crush on a coworker I have known for a long time. She’s funny, pretty, and likes a lot of the same things I do. I feel like I think about her all the time, but also I’m not willing to break up my family over this. Am I going to get over it or does this mean my marriage is failing?
Dear Human,
As I have lamented before, yours is a tail as old as time. Just because a human is in a committed relationship, does not mean they are no longer capable of attraction or flirtation. Cat believes that an occasional crush can help a human feel alive. However; you do sound like you are teetering on the edge of taking your crush a whisker too far. Cat encourages you to take a moment and turn back to your marriage. Is there something that can be done to nurture that relationship to bring back a bit of excitement? Cat knows that when big humans produce tiny screaming small humans, they often lose affection for their partner due to the constant care and attention required. It’s also worth considering, is your crush harmful to the object of your affection? Is she also in a relationship? Is the feeling mutual? You say you are not willing to break up your family over this, so Cat suspects this is just a passing fancy. Remember, crushes are exciting because they provide novelty and excitement. Assuming you aren’t going out of your way to nurture a relationship with your crush, it makes sense that in time, that feeling will fade. In conclusion, Cat doesn’t think that simply having a crush is indicative of any moral failing, however; human needs to be mindful of crush taking priority over actual relationships. Cat encourages you to check in with yourself often to make sure boundaries are maintained.
Dear Cat,
A situation: my boyfriend is a fabulous cook, but always insists on the old “’I cook, you clean” rule. The problem is he cooks very elaborate meals and creates a huge number of messy bowls, dishes, utensils, graters, food processor parts, etc. He cleans up after my cooking, but I make simple meals. I’ve suggested that we clean up after our own cooking, but he always laughs it off and the conversation goes nowhere. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I’m starting to get resentful!
Dear Human,
Cat knows one thing for sure, and that is that resentment is purrhaps the most dangerous of all brewing feelings in a relationship. Having said that, it seems like this is a benign enough problem to solve. Cat supposes it depends on just how good the food is. Are you willing to give up his excellent meals in order to no longer clean up at all? If so, then just tell him to cook for one. Cat suspects that is not necessarily what you are hoping for. How about a collaborative approach? Have you and your partner ever cooked a meal together? If he won’t relinquish any sous-chef duties, you can still get in the kitchen and clean as he cooks. This will give you the luxury of enjoying your meal without the impending doom of major kitchen clean up looming. Cat thinks that If you can manage to co-cook a meal, then it seems reasonable that you both share clean up duty as well.
Dear Cat,
I hate this holiday. It’s so disappointing. I watch other people get nice Valentine’s flowers and fancy dinners, and my boyfriend hardly remembers, even when I remind him! I want him to care, but at this point, I don’t even know if I care. Can we just get rid of this stupid day?
Dear Human,
Can you just get rid of your stupid boyfriend?
But no seriously, Cat wonders if your disdain for the holiday of love is because you are simply ready to move on from your relationship. Cat suspects this is not a one-time event. Does your boyfriend have a pattern of disregarding significant events? Or is there a reason he is averse to Valentine’s day in particular? If you’ve already voiced your reminders and desires and boyfriend still disregards them, you will need to decide if this is a fatal faux-paw, or if more compromise is called for. Some humans have valid reasons for disliking holidays. If your partner shows love and affection on other days, is that sufficient enough to carry you through some holiday ennuí? As they say, there are always more fish in the sea. While there is bound to be another human out there that will shower you with flowers and chocolates on this day, that human may also secretly flirt with his coworkers and leave the kitchen a mess. Cat encourages you to wait until Valentine’s Day has passed this year and to balance your priorities and perspectives outside the height of the holiday.
Cat contemplations:
Dear Humans, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day I hope you have found these queries about relationships entertaining. When it comes to the holiday, Cat leaves you with the advice to seek authenticity over connection. Don’t com-purr-mise your values just for a little attention, you deserve the finest tuna, not the scraps.🐾❤️